My Crazy Ass Mother-in-law

Sunday, September 10, 2006

No, Really

Whew, it's been a looooong time since I have posted and I have lots to share! But tonight I am going to tell you about this past weekend.

To explain a bit, back in March we moved and we are 2 hours away from both of our parents. My parents have been here at least 4 or 5 times and his have been here 3 times (his Dad for only 10 minutes).

This week the MIL called up and said she was going to come up Friday and stay until Sunday (oooh great). Friday she wanted to make grilled chicken and Saturday lasagna (I HATE her lasagna, it's not good at all. My Dad was enjoying every minute of laughing at me), its just not the same when you are used to your Italian Grandmother and Mother's food all your life but anyway...

My son started kindergarten this year, he's only 5. At school this week he made a big letter A with apples on it. He is sitting on the couch with MIL and says to her:

Him: Here Nana, I made this for you!!!
Her: Oh, thats okay, you should keep it.
Him: But Nana I want yoooou to have it, I made it for you (he was student of the week too!)
Her: No, I don't want it, I think we should hang it in your room you need it.
Him: But... seriously his head was down and his eyes are watering and again he says to her "but why don't you want it? I made if for you at school!"
Her: I don't want it, we are going to put it in your room, you need to know your ABC's.

I mean really, are you kidding me? She couldn't take the picture that her 5 year old grandson made at school? I was so mad I had to leave the room, I just snatched it up from her hands and walked in the other room. What kind of "Nana" does that? My Mom would *never* do that to him, no wonder he loves her more.

Come Saturday she isisted we go see a movie and she ruined that too. I swear she does it on purpose. We get home, not even 10 minutes later she downs her Miller Lite and decides she is leaving, she needs to get on the road. I was thrilled, not only was I spared more time with her but her crappy lasagna. Off she went.

But I couldn't even enjoy it because my 5 year old son was crushed that she left already. The 12 and 14 year old didn't even notice nor care. In fact,the 14 year old said "Nana always thinks she can buy my love and it's annoying."

And I can honestly tell you I don't say negative things about her to them, its just *that* obvious.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

What is it about English you don't understand?

So, you all read the last post on the MIL, not sending the kids to visit you on my dime fiasco.

So, my mom is here visiting last week (like a normal grandparent who can't "handle" all three, she comes to see THEM) and the MIL happens to call while she's here.

(ring)
Me: Hello.
EX-Mil: Hi. How are you?
Me: I'm good, thanks - hold on one second - your granddaughter has been wanting to talk to you.

I put my daughter on the phone. She talks to her for five minutes. My daughter comes back and hands me the phone saying "Grandma wants to talk to you".

GREAT.

Me: Hi Jean.
Ex-Mil: Hi. How are you?
Me: Good. Busy, but good. I got some extra graduation pictures of the dear daughter for you (kindergarten) and will mail them as soon as they come in.
Ex-Mil: Good. So, when are you sending the kids?

BREATHE.

Me: Jean, I told you that I'm not paying for their tickets. So, whenever you want to buy their tickets for - as long as it isn't the second week of August.
Ex-Mil: What do you mean you aren't sending them?

IS THERE AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE I'M NOT AWARE OF?

Me: Jean, my mom is here. She wanted to say hi.
Me to my mom: If you have any love for me at all, you will not give this phone back to me.

Mom chats to Jean. Then I hear the following:

Mom: Oh, I don't know. She told me she couldn't afford to without sending all three.
Mom: You'll have to ask her about that Jean. I have no say.
Mom: She's outside for a smoke.
Mom: Yes, I'm sure Jean.
Mom: I'll tell her, goodbye.

An hour later the EX-Mil calls back. She tells me that I'm a horrid parent for keeping my children from her. I explain calmly, again, that I am not keeping them from her, I just am not paying for their trip. Maybe if she cut out a trip to the casino, since she takes four or five a year, she could pay for their tickets instead. She argues. I tell her I've said all I have to say.

And then she says, I kid you not:

Ex-Mil: So when are you sending the kids?

I swear, no court in the world would convict me...

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad?

Wow, it's been quiet around here. I could post some excuse on why I haven't posted so long, but you want the goods!

So, the EX-MIL calls me up. You see, the EX has decided not to take the kids for his eight weeks this summer. Something about the new girlfriend (excuse me, fiance) not wanting to have her summer ruined with responsibilities and all. But, this isn't myexisanasshole.blogspot.com so I'll get back to the MIL...

So, she calls up, livid at her son upon hearing the news. Now, a little back story that is important to know. I'm more financially stable than the EX, so I pay for the kids to fly to him in the summer, but don't pay for childcare while they're gone, so it kind of breaks even. So, now that you know that....

She tells me that they'll take the kids instead. Well, gee, I'm not sure I'm comfy with that. And then she does it. In true, selfish, all about her fashion she tells me she only wants me to send two of my three children (one has some medical problems that "make her nervous"). WTF.

I am not making this up. Um, no, I will not split the children up for six to eight weeks you crackhead. But, as much of an ass as she is, the kids love her. I will not send the two (the third won't realize he isn't invited) for six weeks, but am willing to send them for ten days so they can see their grandparents. As an alternate option, I offer for them (the grandparents) to come here and stay with me so they can see all the kids. But, they're "busy this summer" so the kids coming there is the only option that serves her needs.

She complains about "only" ten days and then says to me... I shit you not...

"So, when will you be buying the plane tickets?"

Um, huh? I'm NOT buying the plane tickets. She freaks into a rant about how I was going to pay to send them to the EX, so why not pay to send them to her. Well, lets count the reasons shall we?

1. The EX is "income challenged" and I send them for the KIDS sake, not his.
2. The EX-In laws are fairly comfortable.
3. When the EX takes them, he takes all three - they only want two, meaning I will still be paying child care costs while they're gone.
4. It's not my responsibility to pay for their visitation with the kids.

She starts screaming about grandparents rights... upon which I politely say:

"Jean, I've already seen a lawyer, and he told me that A: grandparents rights are not applicable in your state and B: grandparents rights do not mean "see the child on the mom's dime" - I am not keeping you from the children, thus grandparents rights aren't an issue, I'm just not paying for it."

At which point she screams some obscenities and I hang up the phone. I promptly called the EX and told him what his mom did and that he can deal with her, since by divorcing him, I also divorced her and she's his problem (I only wish). (Believe it or not, the EX is actually on my side, in his irresponsible, selfish way.)

So, to review:

The EX-MIL only wants two of the three children and wants me to pay for it.

Put down the crack pipe lady and welcome to reality.

Friday, February 10, 2006

And the grandmother of the year award goes to...

So, I told you about when my first two children were born. So, after all that drama, I made sure the MIL had been invited to the birth of number three like 14 times. It was scheduled, weeks in advance and the MIL agreed to take my daughter the night before and meet us at the hospital. I was scheduled for surgery at 8:30 am. And she knew it.

We called when he was born. No answer. Several hours go by. I call at 1 p.m. and she says she is on her way. I don't really give a shit where she is - I want my daughter to see her new baby brother. Around 7 p.m. - yea, almost twelve hours after the appointed time, the MIL strolls in for an hour. I swear it took everything I had not to knock her upside her head. How could she not speak to us for three months over not being called to child number 2's birth within an hour and then take twelve hours to see child number three?

Oh, I forgot. He's a boy. Not the golden girl.

Best part? The FIL never came up to the hospital once to see my son even though we were admitted for two whole days. Not once.

Grandparents of the year I tell you... grandparents of the year.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Can I Write you a Check?

No?! I have to be a Mom today? You mean I can't just write a check and go on my merry way?

I am so beyond angry right now. Hubby has to have surgery tomorrow for a double hernia. Workers comp has taken their sweet time setting up the surgery date. We found out today at 12:00 it was scheduled for 8:00am tomorrow and we have to be there at 6:30am in Miami (a 45 minute drive at least depending on traffic).

We have three kids aged 13, 11 and 5. I tell Hubby call your Mom and see if she can help with the 2 small ones. Instantly he gets annoyed and says that he can't they will bother his parents and they go to bed early. So I snap back with "I hate how your Dad makes you and your sister feel" to which he replies "well we have reasons" and again I snap with "THAT'S MY POINT!" I mean give me a freaking break this is their child for cripes sake and they can't be bothered? It may be minor surgery compared to most but it is surgery. Of course we end up in a nice fight and he leaves for work. As if I am not mad enough at this point.

He calls me and tells me "okay, she will take the two big ones" to which I am on the phone biting my tongue and trying to be calm [yea, only lasted a second.] Why the two big ones I ask? How is that going to help? What about the little one? The big one doesn't need anyone he can be here alone and get himself on the bus. Apparently I am UNreasonable that I want her to take the small one because why the hell would I not want to sit in the hospital waiting room for over 6 hours with a hyper five year old when his Mom is home from work.

What it really boils down to here folks - she had plans to golf tomorrow at 10:00am and taking my little one means she has to cancel her golfing plans because he doesn't go to school until 12:00. And whats worse is he is defending her actions. He thinks I am wrong for not wanting to take my son. If his Mom had to work and it wasn't an option is one thing but GOLFING? Then she wants to know where my Mom is and why isn't she helping out. Umm, work and he's YOUR SON and you never do crap for us. My Mom and Dad do more for us then they ever have or care too.

I told him to let her take him for surgery. I can't stand either of them right now. Yea, call me a bad wife I am so over it - over them. This is the same person crying that we are moving but she can't be bothered one day to miss golf while he has surgery? Of course his rebuttal is "when we move we won't have help." Well we aren't moved yet and she is here so whats the problem exactly? So now I am the bad guy of course because she cancelled her golf plans and he thinks I am wrong for making her to do so. WHATEVER.

PS. I know my grammar and spelling are a mess but I am so angry I just can't be bothered right now but please forgive me kind readers. And wish my luck...

Monday, February 06, 2006

I'll tell you why not

Hubby and I were talking about how we need a babysitter in the area that we trust so that we can go to the movies, dinner etc. He mentioned that he would be okay with leaving dd with him mom for us to do something quick like eat out. I gave him a look and he was like "what? why not?" I told him I was completely not ready for that yet.

MIL came over this weekend to see dd and annoy me. She had been wanting to come to dd's swim class but had something else going on at the time. Namely a choir practice, one of about 6 that she belongs to at her church. Now I am not knocking participating in a church, but she seems to do so much there but not any friends to show for it. Of course it could be that she is crazy and no one likes her. Anyway I digress. Lucky us she can make it for swim class next week.

So she called when she got done with her thing and asked if she could come over. Like I'll be there in the next two minutes kind of come over. Fortunately when she came over I was on the phone with my sister so I was able to avoid her for 45 minutes with that. Hubby prodded her into changing dd's diaper. So for the second time in dd's life she changed her diaper. And had to go on and on the whole time. "Oooh I should have checked for diapers first." Um we have a fully stocked changing table, with everything in neatly sorted baskets. "Do I need to put anything on her?" Well a fresh diaper would help. "If this one leaks, you can blame grandma." Yes because the art of putting on a diaper is rocket science.

Then hubby prepared lunch for dd. Peas and carrots, her favorite. MIL looks over and says "oh real peas and carrots, not mush." Did you not happen to pay attention the last time you were over when dd was eating whole pieces of banana? Oh that's right, you only notice yourself. Hubby had her sit with dd while she ate, to which she sat turned away from her most of the time so she could talk with hubby.

After that she actually got down on the floor and played with dd. So hubby says anyway, I wasn't in the room. Then dd fell on one of her toys and cut her lower lip. She bled. My baby bled on my mother-in-law's watch. This is the first time she has been hurt and bled. Bumps and bruises of course. I was pissed. Dd took it pretty well. I nursed her and she fell asleep. MIL quietly left and was gone by the time I laid her down in her crib.

Yeah, she is so ready to watch dd on her own. I can't believe I haven't seen it before.

Friday, February 03, 2006

It's a Girl!

So, I promised you stories and there is no better to start with than that of my daughter's birth.

Son #1 was an uneventful birth. MIL was at the hospital, took pictures and 25 minutes after I had him, she and the FIL and the EX went to lunch. No really. I pushed out a child, they took pictures and left. The EX came back the next day to pick me and son #1 up. But I digress...

So, due to past events (above) I didn't expect the MIL to be all *too* thrilled about the birth of my daughter. But, it was that long awaited golden girl and she was excited. My daughter was delivered via c-section and it was planned out for a Thursday. But, no one told my daughter that. She decided Tuesday was more her style.

I went into labor about 4pm when my water broke. We rushed to the hospital and they went spastic trying to get me into surgery before I ended up delivering (a no no after the first one). I, the good daughter in law, told the ex to call his mom...

"Mom? Leah went into labor."
"What? She isn't supposed to have the baby until Thursday! I have plans today."
"Well, I don't think the baby cares, she is coming now."
"Ok, well, do you need me to come up there right now?"
"Well, no, I'm the only one who can go into surgery with her. Want me to call you after the baby is born?"
"Yes, this way I can get things situated."

Seems like a normal enough conversation right? When I went into labor, we called a friend who lived two minutes from the hospital to meet us there to take son #1. So, we were set.

During the delivery, my heart came *this* close to stopping. I'm not sure why, and they fixed it with a shot of adrenalin. But because of it, my tempature, as was my daughter's, was really low. They put me back into the room and piled warm (yea, warm as in heated) blankets on me. My daughter went into an incubator. The ex of course is frantic and worried and alternating between the two of us. Finally, everything is settled - I'm normal and my daughter is as well. He calls his mom to tell her to come on up.

"Mom? Are you coming up?"
"No, Jason. I'm not."
"What? Why not?"
"Because you waited until 8:30 p.m. to call me. I see you didn't want me there."
"What?!? Mom, Leah almost died. My daughter was in an incubator. I was more worried about their health. I'm sorry. Now stop it and come up and see your granddaughter."
"No. I'm not coming. You took four hours to call me. Goodbye Jason."
Click.

No, I am not freaking kidding. I was beyond shocked. But, I tried to just enjoy my daughter. Around 3 pm the next day, MIL and FIL walk in unannounced (my grandmother was already there holding my daughter).

"Hello Leah. I'm here to see my grandaughter."

I brushed the icicles off my nose. I think the only reason she was even civil was because my grandmother was present. She held my daughter for five minutes. Then, she handed her back to me and her and the FIL left, without a word.

And that was the last time I, the ex or my kids saw or heard from them until Christmas Eve. Three months later.

**All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so innocent.